What you say and do really influences your child, so you're in a good position to make sure they have the facts about alcohol and drinking, and can make sensible choices in the future. Although alcohol may be taught via the curriculum in schools (this TALK ABOUT ALCOHOL site includes a section with lesson plans for teachers), it's important you support your child and discuss the issues at home too.

Try to avoid forcing the issue – it's better to wait until the subject comes up naturally. You could pick up on a newspaper story about alcohol, or something that's on television; or wait until your child asks you questions about drinking.

Do whatever feels comfortable for you and your family, but ideally you should discuss the issue before your child starts experimenting with alcohol or faces pressure from their peers. What we call ‘the tipping point’ occurs at age 13. Eleven year olds do not consider it acceptable to ‘get drunk’, but by age 13 children are beginning to look more towards older peers, celebrity example and their friends and see drinking as more acceptable – therefore it is important you start the dialogue early enough.

Even young children are aware of what is and isn't acceptable behaviour for adults and children when it comes to alcohol. So you can start talking to them about drinking at quite an early age.

You need to aim for a balance: warning them of the dangers, including taking aspirin with alcohol which can intensify alcoholic poisoning, and making them aware of the laws; but also saying that they can enjoy moderate social drinking when they're adults if they choose to. As teenagers get older they see many people around them enjoying alcohol, so they will not accept too much of a ‘taboo’ approach.

The Chief Medical Officer (2009) recommends not giving your child alcohol before the age of 15 if possible. This is a good starting point from which to start a discussion. When your child asks why, you can explain that this is because young bodies are less able to break down the toxins in alcohol ( acetaldehyde) due to liver size, small amounts of alcohol have a greater effect on the brain and that even small amounts will affect their ability to make rational judgements and sensible decisions – meaning they are more likely to get into an argument or fight, to lose their belongings or to have them stolen – or just to be very ill.

The important thing is to focus on the facts, and to give your child the knowledge and skills to avoid the dangers associated with alcohol. You could also direct them to the young people's part of the website for information, quizzes and challenges.

There is no agreed age at which it is considered 'normal' for children to drink, although in bars and licensed premises, or to buy alcohol, the legal drinking age is 18. It is also important for you to know that it is illegal to ‘ buy by proxy’, i.e. to buy alcohol on behalf of someone under the age of 18. The only exception to this law is that 16 and 17 year olds can drink beer, wine or cider with an adult accompanying food in restaurant or pub, at the landlord’s discretion.

Some parents allow their children to try a little alcohol with them on special occasions; others prefer not to. There is some evidence to show that introducing children to tasting alcohol at home, rather than away from home and under the influence of peer pressure, reduces the risk of alcohol-related harm later on. But it's up to you to decide whether and how much your child can drink at home, but remember that it's illegal to give alcohol to a child under 5 years old.

There is also a world of difference between a small amount on special occasions, and a whole drink. The younger a child starts drinking regularly, the higher their chances of having alcohol related problems later on.

The Chief Medical Officer (2009) recommends not giving your child alcohol before the age of 15 if possible, and that recognising that many 15 year olds in the UK do drink, that this should be under parental supervision and within the daily recommended guidelines of 2–3 units for women and 3–4 for men.

Whatever you decide, stick to your guns and make sure your child understands why it can be dangerous for young people to drink. They should also know that there are laws restricting the age at which you can buy and drink alcohol in public places. Just because adults are drinking alcohol at home, children should understand they can't automatically do the same.

From 13–16 years old, children spend increasing amount of time out of the home. Many parents naturally worry about who their children are with, and whether their friends are a bad influence. But don't assume the worst – try to show an interest, welcome their friend’s home and accept that your child needs some freedom.

If things are going well, remember to praise them for acting responsibly. If things go wrong, it's easy to overreact – but try to understand what happened and talk through the situation calmly with your child. Make sure they know the ground rules, what is and isn't acceptable, and what they can do if they're feeling pressurised by their friends. It’s very easy to say ‘I told you so’ which might mean your teenager may stop listening.

You can make it clear that excessive drinking is unacceptable because of the social, personal and health risks. Drinking to get drunk increases their risk of being personally assaulted, getting into a fight, getting a criminal record, or if older, taking risks such as drink driving or getting into a car with someone who is over the limit. Getting really drunk could land them in hospital with alcohol poisoning.

There's no need to ban your teenager from drinking, but it's important to talk to them about the situation. Try to be open and honest about how alcohol has affected your family, and the difference between social drinking and alcohol misuse.

With older teenagers, you could agree when and where they can start drinking if appropriate. Evidence suggests that the children of those who misuse alcohol are more likely to have problems themselves in future. As a role model for your child, you're in a key position to show them that you can choose to drink responsibly and in moderation, or choose not to drink at all.

Younger teenagers are often tempted to drink alcohol either as an easy way to have fun when they feel they've grown out of 'childish' activities or as a quick way to show off and gain status. Perhaps they're 'late developers' – smaller physically – or school or other problems have undermined their confidence. Make sure you give them plenty of opportunities to feel successful and encourage a range of safe ways to have fun with friends so any legal drinking is kept sensible. Young people are also very vulnerable to peer pressure and sometimes agree to do something when they'd rather not.

If your child is under the legal age for purchasing alcohol, then they need to understand that they are breaking the law if they buy alcohol themselves or ask an adult to buy it for them.

If you know they are drinking and they aren't under age, there is advice you can give them to reduce the risks:

• remind them that choosing not to drink is a good option and one chosen by many young people and by many of their role models
• drink slowly and never 'down' a drink in one go
• swop some of the alcoholic drinks for soft drinks or water (don't mix drinks)
• try not to mix drinks, and to dilute spirits properly with mixers, and to choose less alcoholic drinks
• stick with trusted and responsible friends; a true friend will never force you to do anything
• tell you where they're going to be and know how they're going to get home (e.g. public transport, a named non-drinking driver, a parent)
• call someone if something goes wrong and never go home alone or with a stranger

You can help your child by talking to them about your concerns and listening to theirs. This will help you to understand their dilemmas and find solutions that are practical for both of you.

Peer pressure can have a big effect, and teenagers are particularly susceptible when they start going out more and asserting themselves. Groups have leaders and followers, all of whom must abide by the 'rules'. If the rules are unacceptable or pose a real threat to your child, then it's probably time to take action.

You should be in charge, but try to be reasonable. That means defining your expectations and establishing clear and realistic rules. Your child should also know that there are laws restricting the age at which alcohol can be bought and drunk. Giving your child the facts about alcohol, and the personal confidence and skills to make their own decisions, will help them to make sensible choices when you're not there.

It might be useful for them to know, for example, that whatever their peers might tell your child they do, 30% of 15 to 16 year olds in the UK drink regularly (just 14% often get drunk) and only 2% of 11 year olds drink weekly*.

* Source: Chief Medical Officer's Guidance 2009

A change in behaviour at this age is pretty normal and not necessarily linked to drinking alcohol. Puberty, schoolwork, friendships and other pressures all have an effect, and your child may seem moody or depressed from time to time. However, there are some warning signs to look out for which could indicate a drinking problem:

• mood swings that can't be explained
• spending long periods shut away and alone
• loss of interest in their usual hobbies or friends
• loss of appetite
• sudden lack of interest in their appearance
• poor personal hygiene or smelling of alcohol
• skipping school or work
• seeming depressed, restless or fatigued over a long period
• always running out of money
• running away from home.

If there is a problem, try to find out and address the cause, not just the symptoms. Is it an escape, driven by peer pressure, or a lack of direction? The possibilities are endless and may not be linked to alcohol. Don't be afraid to seek help if you don't feel in control of the situation or the problem persists in spite of your support. Organisations which offer help are listed in the "If you want to know more" section. Certain problems require specialist help and may be beyond the capability of even the most loving and skilled parent.